Lighten Up

My name's Abigail and I'm a declutterer...

I have always been that tidy person who helps her friends clean their rooms. When I was a kid, and my world became confusing, I would use housekeeping as a coping mechanism. It was oddly calming and sustaining to make the beds and put things away. OK, I’ll admit I still use housekeeping as a coping mechanism!

I see the immediate correlation between physical order and mental peace. And I’ve discovered that I can use that skill to help others.

Decluttering has not always been my profession. I studied English Literature and earned a B.A. at Duke University and an M.A. at Michigan State University. I worked as an English Composition lecturer at the University of Macau, on the southern coast of China. I went on to teach at Hong Kong Baptist University. Back in the States, I taught English at Passaic County Community College in Paterson, NJ. I also worked in corporate communications at the YMCA Retirement Fund in NYC.

This previous experience in English Composition informs my work as a declutterer. For example, I see the process of down-sizing as part of the narrative of my client’s life. Finding the thematic connection among the parts, I can offer my client reflections on the cohesiveness of their life, even in the midst of change. It’s oddly calming and sustaining…

I’m a Quaker; the Religious Society of Friends is my faith community and their tenets of simplicity, non-violence, integrity, and honesty guide the way I treat my clients and go about my work. Particularly germane to my work is Quaker process, which is a method of decision-making based on the expectation that each of us can know God’s will for us directly, and that in silent contemplation each of us will be led to know truth. In practical terms, this means that I do not impose a detailed plan on my client, but allow for way to open as we work.

I’m a mom; I raised my son and daughter in Montclair, NJ, where they attended public schools. Well, for two years we lived in Dallas, TX, but you’ll have to read on to learn about that adventure. My son earned a scholarship to Northwestern University School of Engineering. My daughter now lives and works in Alexandria, VA.

As a middle-aged woman who has traveled the world, raised two children to young adulthood, handled catastrophes, and entered many, many households, I have seen everything. I don’t stand in judgment; I just practice discernment.

how i became a declutterer

The process by which I became a declutterer was awful. But it did qualify me to do the work that I love, so I’m grateful.

An important aspect of the process was loss. Over a period of a few months in 2010, I lost my relationship, house, job, minivan, gall bladder, credit rating, guinea pig, and mind. But the break-down was the prelude to the wake-up; the loss cleared the way to a new life.

I had moved to Texas in 2008 for love.... By 2010, everything had fallen apart. I had to get back to New Jersey with my children, but I didn’t have a job there. To gather up money for transportation and then the security deposit and rent for an apartment, I sold almost everything in the house. Friends offered me airplane tickets, so that I could send my kids back to their father in New Jersey.

So, on a hot day in June, I started the 1,500-mile drive. In the minivan I had the essentials I would need: an inflatable mattress, linens, pots and pans, clothes, and the family pets. Slipper the Bichon was an anxious dog, and whimpered continually unless he was curled up in my lap as I drove. Lavinia the Guinea Pig seemed pretty content in her cage. The first night I stayed with a family friend in Little Rock.

The next morning, I was driving east on the interstate. As I approached Memphis, I could see that the interstate would cross the Mississippi River. The bridge seemed like it was a mile long. Driving over a massive, swiftly moving body of water, on a bridge that seemed to go on forever, into the brilliant light of the rising sun, I was in a state of awe. The recent experiences of loss had opened my heart; the particular conditions of that moment melted it.

In that state of awe, I asked out loud, “What am I going to do?” And I understood Spirit to say, “Help people in their homes.” When Spirit speaks, the only good answer is, “Yes, M’am.”

I felt called to work that I didn’t fully understand at the time, and that I wasn’t trained for. My degrees are in English. My work experience was in composition instruction, and corporate communications. But I understood in that moment of awe that I would not return to a classroom or an office, that I would find work in people’s homes. After all, God doesn’t call the qualified. She qualifies the called.

My qualification for the work ahead was, in part, the suffering I had experienced. Bankrupt, unemployed, and decidedly unlucky in love, I felt pretty clear that I could lay down any judgments I might have of other people and their life choices. I was pleasantly surprised to discover how much easier life became once I quit judging others.

Non-judgment is a key qualification for a declutterer. Refraining from any form of shaming or blaming is crucial to my helpfulness in the discernment process.

When I counsel my clients on letting go of their possessions, I can certainly speak from experience. I vividly remember the courage and faith required, and also the exhilaration of taking a calculated risk in order to move forward in life.

You may be wondering about the guinea pig. Lavinia accompanied me as far as West Virginia, where I stopped at my brother’s home. He and I had set Lavinia’s cage in the garage and then walked out. But the door wasn’t latched, and my brother’s hunting dog slipped into the garage, knocked over the cage, and killed Lavinia. I knelt in the garage and held the little limp body. Through the challenges of the previous months, I had stayed strong, but when Lavinia was killed, I fell to pieces. I couldn’t stop sobbing.

I buried Lavinia under an ancient ginko tree. I felt as if I were holding a funeral for my former life, as well as my pet. Then I drove on to New Jersey. I found a small, inexpensive apartment in downtown Montclair. I slept on the inflatable mattress on a bare wood floor. I recall waking up in the echo-y apartment, the morning sun streaming in the windows, Slipper by my side, and feeling free. Insecure, but free.

I had no idea how to find clients. I asked out loud, “What is my next step?” I understood Spirit to say, “Take your dog for a walk.” So, I got the dog’s leash, went outside, and let Slipper lead the way. He headed briskly down the street toward our old (pre-2008) neighborhood. By coincidence, my former next-door neighbor was in her front yard; I stopped to chat; then one of her neighbors came out and joined us. “I don’t know what we’re going to do! Dad’s health is declining. I can’t find help,” he said. I raised my hand and said, “I got your help right here!”

He was my first client. I offered eldercare, and generally helped the household stay calm and tidy. By word of mouth, I found more clients and was soon pretty busy. I raised my two teenagers in that 500-square-foot apartment. And I honed my skills as a declutterer.

where i am

I am located in West Caldwell, NJ. I would love to take clients in the Northern New Jersey area.

I will happily drive up to an hour and a half to a client. I just charge a standard travel rate of $0.50/mile. At the moment, I am only taking more distant clients for weekend gigs. If I drive a few hours to another city, my client will arrange for my room and board, and we’ll put in lots of hours on a weekend, to make it worth the trip. Yes, an amazing amount of decluttering can happen in a weekend!

During the pandemic, I started offering remote decluttering sessions, by Zoom, Face Time, or phone. In this case, it doesn’t matter where my clients are. I can be very effective as a coach only (even though an important part of my service on-site is to make stuff disappear quickly). I might schedule an hour to discuss my client’s decluttering project. I would give conceptual guidance and practical tips. My advice is holistic, taking into account my client’s particular form of clutter, goals, time-frame, and emotional and physical state.